he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
