do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
pop tarts are not kleenex
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
