Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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