you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
