is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
