My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
