A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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