we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
