i jhust puked up my retainher.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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