my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
