I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
