JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
