I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
