I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
