I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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