You really coming over, don't trick.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
