i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
