I want to have your abortion
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
