so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
