She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
