Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
