the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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