Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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