I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
