I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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