I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
