those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
