Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
