Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
should my penis look like a turkey
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
