similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
