i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
A bitchslap is in order.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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