i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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