You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
