bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
COCAINE IS GR8
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
