I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
