you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
