Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
