Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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