Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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