you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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