There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
