He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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