Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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