what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
