I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize