just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
