My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
