hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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