i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
