fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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