too bad you live with your parents still
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
