After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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