Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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