im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
PANTIES FOUND
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
