i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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