He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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