return my video game
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
