you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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