I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
