i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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