I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
