david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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