i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Drunk is not a location!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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