There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
