i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
